Friday, January 19, 2007

Dating: To Kiss or Not to Kiss

Scott Croft posts a clear call to biblical holiness in relationships. Here is an excerpt.

The question is not "How far can I go in indulging my desires for sexual gratification or intimacy without getting too close to this thing the Bible utterly rejects?" The question we should all ask — in any area of our lives — is "How can I best pursue that to which God in His Word has positively called me?" He has called us all to pursue holiness and purity in our personal lives. That leaves little room for intentional flirtation with any sin, sexual or otherwise.

"Just Kissing"

Let's talk about two practical arguments that have implications for "just kissing." The first is that all sexual activity is sex. God's design of sex doesn't merely include the act of sexual intercourse. It's also everything that leads up to that act, and everything on the sexual continuum is meant to end in that act. It's called foreplay, and it's a fundamental part of God's design for sex. To borrow (and embellish) an analogy from Michael Lawrence, sexual activity is like a down-hill on-ramp to a highway. It's one way, you gather momentum the second you enter it, and according to the Great Engineer's design of the highway system, there's only one reason to get on it.
This truth bears itself out not only in our emotions, desires, and common sense, but literally in our physical bodies. The moment two people begin kissing or touching each other in a sexual way, both the male and female body — without going into unwarranted detail here — begin "preparing" for sex. God has designed us that way, and when we begin any sort of sexual activity, our bodies know exactly what's going on — even if our self-deluding minds deny it.
I'll simply call the other argument the "wisdom argument." Even if we assume for a moment — just for the sake of argument, mind you — that kissing without doing anything else isn't sex and is therefore OK. When two people care for one another, it is natural to want to consummate that affection physically. In the right context, those desires are good and right and God-glorifying. In any context, they are some of the strongest desires known to human kind. Kissing will only make you want to do more than kiss. It will make you want to indulge in sin. That desire will be strong enough in both of you without blatantly tempting yourself by trying to put just one foot on the on-ramp. It's simply a physiological and emotional reality. If courting such spiritual danger is not sin itself, it is, at the very least, an unwise invitation to sin, what Proverbs calls "folly." Why put someone you claim to care about at spiritual risk?

Remember the Gospel

I'll be the first to admit that this column has been a pretty rough slog through a type of sin many of us (myself included) have fallen into at one time or another in our lives. Let me close by reminding us all that while God hates sin, and while sexual sin — like all sin — is destructive to us and grieving to God, there is hope and forgiveness in Jesus Christ. If we truly repent of our past sins and turn from them and believe in the atoning blood of Christ, we are not "damaged goods," but new creations. What was red as crimson has become white as snow.

I am thankful that Pastor Croft has kindly and biblically dealt with this issue. It saddens me greatly that Christians could be so confused on something so elementary, but if we will come to grips with the biblical teaching on this matter, we will be able to shine as lights in the world. Holiness is always beautiful!


1 comment:

The Tossells said...

Very well put! This will help us in preparing our daughters for future Christ-honoring courtships/engagements! Thank you for helping to clarify this issue.